Parenting Experiment

***This post was updated on the 2nd September 2017, to be more transparent about some of the emotional dynamics being played out within the family


Introduction

 

The following is post is about two experiments I was involved in.

The first experiment was a family experiment between Pete and myself.

The second was a parenting experiment to discover the addictions I have created between myself and the kids, and to challenge addictions in myself and the children during the month.

Following you will find:

  1. A brief reflection of the family experiment
  2. An outline of the parenting experiment including some benefits, the details of what, who, where, when and why. Some of my personal reflections & learning during the experiment and a summary of where I am heading next.

After the “official” experiments ended I decided to continuing them as the first month I only began to become a little more aware of what is really going on in the family dynamic, I have yet to emotionally work through the causal reasons why our family is like it currently is.


Background and Reflections on the family experiment

Tristan, Pete and I began a family experiment in June as suggested by Jesus & Mary for the God’s Way of Education Project. I have written a previous blog post on this experiment click here to view.

The purpose of the family experiment was for the adults in the family to become more aware of the unloving family dynamics between themselves and how this impacts their intimate relationship and relationship with the children. Part of the purpose was to document the entire experiment, including the process, events, feelings and experiences for each person involved for God’s Way of Education Project.

After completing the family experiment I felt that I wanted to continue what had been started with Pete as I was seeing and feeling the benefits of what Tris and Jesus and Mary had been helping us with in our relationship.

I noticed the month after the family experiment was a really important one for me to continue to uphold a loving, truthful environment without having someone else to help me do that.

During the family experiment and the following month it felt confronting and emotional (when I allowed it) learning the reality and interplay between myself and Pete. Even now I find it challenging. I don’t always remain loving and firm (sometimes I just feel angry and want it all to end and someone else do the loving thing). Fortunately those times pass and I am realising that this is an opportunity for me to learn to uphold love and truth in every circumstance including with partner and children, I don’t feel very consistent with this yet.

Due to having outside perspectives to highlight issues in our relationship and feeling a little bit during this process I have began to recognise the emotionally abusive behaviour that I am open to from my childhood and how Pete is actually currently perpetuating that in our relationship. I have yet to allow the full feeling of it. I have begun to recognise the manipulative techniques that I used to think were “normal” and how Pete and the kids use these to undermine and pull me and others down to gain power and feel superior. I still allow bad treatment of myself and recognising the sin in both superiority and inferiority & allowing and perpetuating unloving behaviour is an ongoing process for me.

I recognised during the experiment that I want others to stand up and take action when people are unloving or will potentially or overtly be violent and angry and or attacking. For me the quality of courage needs to be developed and some ‘backbone’ grown so I am the person who stands up and takes the loving action. The best place to start is taking action in my relationship with Pete.


Parenting Experiment

I decided to begin another experiment along with continuing the relationship experiment where I had the children live with me solo for a month.

I did this with the intention of challenging the addictions in the kids as a means to help me work through the emotions in myself as to why I created those in the first place.

Ironically I didn’t always end up challenging the kids addictions, but I definitely learned a lot about how I felt and what I want addictively from the kids in particular, but also from others in general.

 

 


Following is a breakdown of what occurred

Benefits:

  • Feeling the reality of where our family is at
  • Getting real with where I am at right now
  • Discovering God’s Laws and how God feels about what is going on
  • Recognising sin and where I am currently resistive to seeing & feeling
  • Becoming aware of the real issues rather than remaining “blind” to them
  • Challenge addictions and co-dependence in relationships
  • Recognising that there is a problem in what I have been defining as “normal” within the family
  • To gain education on what truly loving interactions between intimate partners feels like
  • To gain education on what truly loving relationships between children and parents feels like from God’s perspective
  • Feeling how I really feel and why I do what I do so I can change it
  • To recognise, encourage and allow personal emotional experience
  • Sharing the experiment with others who may be interested
  • Because there was desire and motivation for the idea and I wanted to give it a go

Who:

Participants: Eloisa and 3 kids

Informal guidance and mentoring from Tris, Jesus & Mary

When:

The experiment began on the 15th of August and went till 10th of September 2017

Where:

Eloisa’s home, Queensland Australia

What:

Primary goal and aspiration:

Experiment for parents who desire to challenge their own addictions and re-educate children about Love and Truth from God’s perspective.

Parent to uphold Love and truth in every interaction, beginning with the ones they recognise and become sensitive to those they are not recognising

To enforce ethics, morality and loving consequences and restrictions when Love and Truth is not upheld both for the parent themselves and for the children

What it ended up being about:

I discovered that I have a lot of work to do as I need to be educated before I can actually educate others. Thus the experiment was more about me becoming aware of how out of harmony with Love and Truth I am and why.

It was an opportunity for me to feel about what it is really like in our family, the addictions I have created, how the children treat me is because I have allowed them to treat me that way and how I interact with the children is about my choices and decisions. How the children’s demands were about me wanting to avoid my own personal emotions (they became MORE demanding and needy of me when I wanted to avoid feeling terror, fear and sadness).

Parent to document and log:

  • every incident out of harmony with love,
  • the emotions that were exposed in all parties (if known, or just in self if not known)
  • the consequences enforced
  • the feelings exposed in enforcing consequences
  • emotional addictions in parent
  • emotional addictions in children

Why:

  • To challenge issues within myself and personally recognise addictions in myself and what I want them
  • To challenge my lack of action as that seems to be the thing that brings up my emotions the most
  • To highlight issues in myself that contribute to the current family culture that I am currently skipping over, find out what I am skipping over and the emotional reasons why I am skipping over it
  • To uphold a space of love and truth with both partner and children
  • Parent to recognise how their addictions, emotional injuries and belief systems impact the family dynamic, specifically the children and how the parent has the ability to change the family culture
  • Parent to recognise they are responsible and have an obligation to change the family dynamic in a loving direction
  • To bring up the emotions in the parent and the parent to sincerely work through those emotions and enforce love and truth in themselves
  • To recognise what is going on and what in the parent is causing the behaviour
  • To work through the issue in the parent that is causing the behaviour
  • Parents to recognise they initially created the causes of children reflecting and acting out unloving addictions, demands and expectations and it is the parents responsibility to re-educate children based on love (once the parents are educated and uphold love this becomes far easier to do.)
  • Note: if emotional process is engaged by parents and then love and truth is upheld in the family environment it is very easy for children to change.
  • To challenge the addictions in the children that have been allowed, encouraged and actively created

 


 

Experiment and reflections from Eloisa’s perspective

I feel this was the beginning of the experiment rather than the completion.

Though the family experiment, was challenging I have chosen to continue it because I have growing faith in the process and though it feels like our family is disintegrating I am also feeling better in myself and noticing slight positive change in some areas. I feel unhappy, but it is real and more reflective of where I am currently at. Though I am still very afraid of standing up to angry men in my life when I do I feel better about myself and it highlights the terror I have within me. I am coming to actually accept that allowing unloving treatment of myself is wrong. Abusers are responsible for their actions, but I am an adult now and I can say “no this is not okay with me”.

I am finding it challenging to uphold love towards myself when my partner manipulates and emotionally abuses me. I find it challenging to stand up every time with the kids in every situation for love and Truth. The children have been trained by us (the parents) and are now master manipulators. Due to Pete feeling that what he does is right and my allowance of his and others abusive treatment it means the children gain approval for remaining in addiction, feeling superior and treating others in an unloving manner.

I stress that the children are a product of Pete and my creation and it is both of our responsibility to work through the emotions in ourselves in order to actually deal with what is going on in the children. When there is allowance and overt approval for unloving and addictive behaviour a child will reflect that when that is all they have known. A child becomes attuned to their environment and insensitive to their conscience and other mechanisms that would help them feel what is ethical, moral, right and wrong.

In our family there is acceptance of treating myself badly from both parents, me and Pete. The kids are not going to change until the emotional allowance changes in me and the emotional justification changes in Pete, plus the external environment is a place where there is no option but to love and be truthful. When this dynamic happens then the children have the opportunity to easily feel through their emotion and undergo sincere change.

From my understanding, if only I change and actually stop allowing abusive behaviours towards myself and others and uphold a space of love and truth (this will partly improve how it currently is), the children will reflect this when they are with me. If Pete does not choose to change the children will still receive reinforcement for unloving behaviours from him and may not go through the emotional change necessary in order to truly change.

At this time Pete is resistive to seeing what is truly going on and how he is harming others. His desire for his addictions is currently far stronger than his desire to love and it is causing a lot of pain and harm within the family.

During the experiment emotion for myself has been exposed but has yet to be worked through. Please note there are areas for myself  where I have work to do also. I am just focusing on the biggest issue we are currently working on.

I have discovered that I have addictions with the kids and Pete. It is taking time to become emotionally aware of them. It is one thing to see addictions, another to work through them.

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2016 ELH


 

I learned:

  • The courage to address issues of love and truth in the moment is something to focus on far more
  • I have a lot of emotion I am not allowing to flow
  • I have been avoiding feeling the reality of the situation
  • I am terrified of angry, violent men
  • I am easily manipulated through fears and beliefs I have about myself
  • I found I really want my personal addictions, I  act them out compulsively particularly when I desire to avoid feeling emotion
  • I don’t want to recognise when people abuse me because I don’t want to cry and feel the pain of my childhood experiences
  • Dynamics with Pete and I are reflected by the kids
  • I have learned that if I allow any unloving or untruthful behaviour that I know to be unloving and untruthful there are always negative consequences
  • By the end of the experiment I was more aware of allowing manipulation to take place between the children and by the children towards myself
  • I was more aware of why I have allowed manipulation to take place towards myself from others
  • Researching why loving behaviour is not happening in the household and personally deal with the emotional reason why, and take action to change the behaviour is confronting, challenging and beneficial. I can see when I am on my own where I allow myself to “get away” with not dealing with the reasons why I do things emotionally
  • Emotions take time. It is one thing to have something pointed out to me, another to actually investigate, discover and feel the real feeling for myself. It is also very different taking actions myself and upholding love than having others around me do it
  • Feeling even a little bit of emotion (when I allow it) brings relief, insight and a different perspective on the situation
  • I am still finding out why I am so terrified and resistive to feeling all my emotions
  • Letting issues drag on and not resolving them causes pain and suffering as compensation for not dealing with them emotionally

My faith grows every time I stand up for what I know to be right and though in the moment I find it challenging, uncomfortable and sometimes desperately want to back down (which at times I still do) I find that truth always makes things better when I stand up for it and when I don’t I feel uncomfortable inside for not doing the right thing

I recommend this experiment to any family, it is not easy, it exposes all kinds of emotions and dynamics for all parties involved. There is conflict, confrontation and even nastiness when we lack humility. There are times when I go straight into addiction to avoid my fears and do exactly what I have always done. The thing is now I am aware I do this I can recognise why I am doing it and notice that every time I reinforce unloving behaviour to avoid my fears it actually feeds the abuser, and doesn’t change anything. Every time I take loving action things improve inside of me even if externally it doesn’t improve


 

Thanks

To Tris and Jesus and Mary for education, encouragement and pointing out my addictions and some of the underlying causes of why I behave as I do when I was not aware and when I didn’t want to do the loving thing!

Thank you for pointing things out in the moment as they were happening, this was so beneficial for me.

Where to now

  • Continue the experiments until they become our way of life and sincere change occurs in myself and I hope the family
  • Work on why I don’t let myself feel the reality, how sad, hurt, challenged, whatever comes up I truly feel
  • Modify the experiments when change is not occurring and add to it
  • Learn to allow all emotional experience
  • Work through any blocks to emotional experience
  • The most important part of the experiments is allowing time for feelings to be exposed, come up and be felt.
  • When emotions are not felt no real change occurs in the parent or the child
  • Document the process and emotions and situations that happen within our household

Until next time

Eloisa

 

What I’m Learning About The Environment & Land Recovery

I have spent much of my life so far focused on Results. If I want to plant a tree, I want to plant it now. In the past I was happy spending lots of money bringing in big machinery like tractors and graders to get instant results that then take even more money to maintain the projects long term. It was a very costly and an extremely ineffective way to heal land destruction.

Over the past few years I have had the privilege of seeing how Jesus looks after his land and shares his thoughts on how to make loving eco systems and help with environmental recovery. There is a talk on the Divine Truth website that covers a lot of this information in detail called ‘Creating Loving Eco Systems‘ and can be found at the links you will find at the bottom of this post*.

The information below is based upon my personal experience with what has been shared and shown to me over this time.

When I observe Jesus caring for the environment his main concern is working out how God cares for the environment and then replicating that any way he can. This means things take time and that there is a natural order of how to heal land.

The modern way to make soil fertile is to add fertilisers and use heavy machinery to aerate and break down soil compaction. Gods Way I’m learning is very different

Gods Way is all about holding water/moisture in the soil and creating fertility through the intelligence in the soil. The intelligence is living creatures, organisms and seeds that live in the eco system. By looking after the seeds and feeding the creatures and organisms real recovery can then begin. Fungi, earthworms and ants are all examples of intelligence we want to grow and encourage in the eco system.

The first step should be to protect the soil and allow seeds to grow. This starts with removing grazing animals that constantly eat the shoots and leaves of seeds that germinate. Each seed has inbuilt intelligence and will only grow when the environment is suited to it’s germination. The more seeds germinate and are constantly eaten by animals the less seeds the soil has for the next cycle.

Think about this process happening for 100’s of years and you can start to see how serious this problem becomes. The soil gets no new seeds and all the seeds that do germinate get eaten. Gods Way of looking after soil is no longer working effectively. No seeds and less and less plant life creates a drier environment which eventually becomes a man made desert. The living creatures and organisms that thrived in the environment are no longer able to exist.

When the grazing animals are removed first generation seeds can start to germinate. These plants are mostly seen as weeds. They have the toughest job to do. They can grow in little fertility, need less water and sometimes have a tap root to help open up compaction. In some cases they are also not very attractive to animals and are spikey or prickly. This is often the only way they can survive. Ideally they are legume plants that release nitrogen into the soil. Australian wattles are a good example of first generation plants also known as ‘pioneer plants’ that start the healing process to rebuilding soil fertility.

So how do we create an environment that supports the living creatures and organisms essential to making a sustainable eco-system?

Firstly we need to provide the Food, Water and Shelter (a home) that all life needs. This becomes the focus. In some cases we need to re introduce the intelligence as well. Earthworms are a great example of intelligence we can re introduce into the system once we have the necessary food available.

Food swales and trenches are one way we can create a home that can feed the intelligence that makes the soil.

Swales are a man made bank built on a contour. The idea is for the swale to collect and hold water. With a food swale* we take this one step further and fill the water collection side of the bank with organic matter and hence the name “Food Swale”. The organic matter becomes the food feeding the system. The organic matter used can be anything from waste food scraps to hay and newspaper or bales of cardboard. This organic material becomes a sponge that releases moisture and nutrients out slowly. It’s a fertility bank full of life. When it rains we are now collecting all the water we possibly can and keeping it in the landscape as long as possible. The landscape is now becoming hydrated for longer periods of time.

The organic matter we bring into the system we want to break down slowly through decomposition rather than composting. Decomposition is Gods Way, a slow release over time that supports the whole of the eco system and takes time. When we compost we create heat, which kills life in the organic matter and breaks down fast. Composting has no intelligence. Decomposition is full of intelligence. With decomposition creatures have a home and food.

A Trench is similar to a food swale expect this time everything is below ground rather than on the top. A Trench is an underground hole that is built on contour. The trench is then filled with organic matter just like the food swale. Its size can vary depending on how much organic matter you have available. You can build these trenches quite deep so they are like an underground water reservoir full of life on top. The benefit of the trench is that it can hold more matter and water than a swale.

The aim for both food swale’s and trenches is to create life in the system. The more we feed the intelligence the more the intelligence feeds the soil.

One of the first noticeable changes is the amount of flying insects and ants that appear. As more abundance is created bigger creatures and birds start arriving and feasting on all the tasty food now in the eco system.

It is also amazing how long water/moisture stays in the system once it is no longer been lost through evaporation and is been collected and stored when ever it rains rather than flowing off the landscape.

One way you can experiment at home is by digging a pit in your backyard and filling it up with your kitchen scraps and any other organic matter you have around the house. Cover the green waste with a layer of dry organic matter like sugar cane mulch or shredded up newspaper to help with the smell. See what happens and then maybe in a year or so plant a seed on top of the pit. You will be amazed at all the life that turns up and the beautiful soil it then creates.

Happy Experimenting

Peter

* Links:

24 Oct 2012 Creating Loving Eco Systems – An Introduction S1

06 Nov 2012 Creating Loving Eco Systems – Audio Lessons

There is an Intro and 8 Audio files for the above can be found at this link, you will need to scroll down to find it.

06 Nov 2012 Creating loving Eco-Systems – An Introduction S2

  • Food Swale- A name I made up

 

Self Reflective Parenting – Part 2:

God's Way Blog

Sourced from personal Notes dated 20140617

A snippet of what I found out personally about how I feel about ‘parenting’ and some of my experiences and discoveries during that process…

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My life now in comparison to five years ago is different in a few areas, especially in regards to children. I am happier, less tired, have actually experienced joy. I am able to do things I want to do at times. I enjoy hanging out with the kids. I want to. It doesn’t feel like such a chore. I am desiring more and more to teach them to look after themselves rather than being ‘mummy dependent’. I can hold a conversation with someone, our house is not a total mess all of the time now, the kids wash their own dishes – still needs work. They dress themselves, make their own lunches and breakfasts. We go shopping and it takes…

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God’s Way of Education Introduction.

God's Way Blog

My Name is Tristan Miller,

I wish to give an impression of who I am, why I really want to be a part of this God’s Way of Education and why people should trust God’s Way of Love to create such a framework to teach and engage children and families.

This is the biggest subject I care about, which I know can be addressed with much more love than it currently is:

At the moment education for our youngsters is missing something. They are not actively learning how to actually treat themselves or others lovingly, nor how to be emotionally responsible for how they feel. There are no current widely recognised lessons for this, no state or federal framework for this sort of education.

It seems to actually be something that families are expected to provide when, at best, parents are often trying to learn about these things in their…

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Positive Benefits

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I notice that Jesus & Mary always help us to see and understand the benefits of applying Principle’s of God’s Truth to our lives and I am seeing how this helps to inspire personal desire to try stuff in my own life.

This blog is just to share how awesome I feel it is when I do have a go at applying Principle’s of God’s Truth to my life, or even have an intention to do so! (I am presently going through an excited patch of discovery, smile).

A few of the benefits I have discovered of experimenting with honouring God’s Truth, having an intention to live in harmony with God’s Laws and aspiring to Love as God Loves are as follows:

You learn HEAPS about yourself (your whole soul – as you open up to it), others, children, God; actually as much and about as many subjects as you are open to at any given time

You grow to accept yourself more, especially if you have compassion for yourself. You grow to feel happier, you have more energy, you want to explore and discover more, you find out things about yourself that were ‘forgotten’, not realized yet, or squashed that you love and enjoy doing. You feel the contrast between this state and living in fears, anger etc so it becomes a shorter time to recognise what’s going on.

Desire grows and there are SO many exciting possibilities and things to do that it is matter of prioritizing to fit them all in

Even when you are emotionally challenged you begin to realise that it is an opportunity to change or try something different

As I begin to become more sensitive I am seeing that physical & emotional pain is within me all the time and that releasing it is a relief. (Still areas that I am very challenged by and in denial about)

If I just stick to God’s Truth and Love, amazing things become possible.

You begin to actually learn what love is, and God’s version of love from what I observe is a relief & SUPER lovely, kind, compassionate, gentle, caring, so many qualities that are beautiful. Feeling the difference between God’s opinion of you and the world’s/your parents/others negative opinions of you is intensely sad,

You begin to see things more clearly (this seems to periodically happen and I go ‘wow, I didn’t even know what Jesus & Mary were talking about (I thought I did, but I just didn’t), and this happens over and over again on the same or similar subjects are more awareness grows)

I got some inspiration that God made there to be an infinite amount to learn, but instead of feeling terrified about that all the time, it becomes exciting and a matter of just working through the fears and absorbing everything we possibly can and if we are blocked to doing so finding out why so we can learn more. It is a good thing our souls are made capable of such expansion & potential.

Beginning to trust in God’s Goodness changes your outlook on life remarkably

Your relationship with your partner has the possibility to improve with the possibility for exponential improvement IF you desire that

Your relationship with your kids improves MASSIVELY, I have felt real love for them (at times) which is different to all the addictive demands I have

When Love and Truth become your motivators rather than self interest – this makes for a smoother home life and less angry, violent, conflict between yourself and others

As you become more sensitive you can see more clearly what is going on rather than responding to effects all the time, you begin to look for causes and deal with those, life gets simpler and less exhausting

Lasting, permanent positive change is possible

You don’t have to ‘try’ all the time when you make soul based change, things feel smoother and you either do it or you don’t. Work out why you don’t want to and feel about that, then you probably will want to.

Even having an intention to change brings positive outcomes

Opportunities to Love are EVERYWHERE, we just have to want to see them and act upon them

Truth sets you free – it lessens fear and opens up possibilities that you never previously considered. Things that felt impossible become possible

Being in harmony with God’s Laws you feel more secure & safe & confident because God’s got it covered and you just need to learn the way it all works, and because God is good you begin to trust that God’s got your back and you just need to do the next thing and the next thing and the next thing God presents for you to release, experiment, learn and discover about ( I look forward to this being consistent in my life)

A sense of excitement and wonder at God’s creations and the process God has made for every one of us to engage if we desire to be fully happy and fulfilled and perfected in love as God loves which I can only imagine is AMAZING!!! ( I haven’t personally experienced this process to being at-one-with-God but I suspect that it just gets better and better based on my experience so far)

Seriously, there are just so many benefits that seem to be revealing themselves and the more I experiment the more I suspect that there are only expanding, exponential benefits because so far I haven’t found any disadvantages in anything God does!

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